How to Overcome Laziness

Call it laziness, sloth, ineptitude, idleness, or whatever you like but the idea of doing nothing when things needs to be done is often considered to be a sign of weakness or shirking. Sometimes laziness happens when you don't want to face something, like a boring chore or a difficult confrontation with someone. Other times, it might be because you feel overwhelmed and think the task needs a whole team rather than just you. And then there are those times where you really just can't be bothered. In any case. it's simply not a desirable trait.

Part 1 of 4: Setting Your Mind Straight

1. Figure out the real issue. Every time you start being lazy, stand back and do a little assessment of what's been really happening. Laziness is generally a symptom and not the problem itself. What's the cause of your lack of motivation? Are you tired, overwhelmed, afraid, hurting, or just plain uninspired and stuck? Most likely, the sticking issue is smaller than you think, and you can get past it more easily than you realize. 

• Whatever it is that is holding you back, do your best to unearth it. In most cases, it'll be one single specific problem or detail. Finding the cause is the only way you can actually address it. Once you address it, you can deal with it effectively.

2. Focus on the actual problem. Now that you're thinking about the cause of your laziness, start focusing on it. It may not be the quick fix you were looking for, but it'll be permanent. Consider the following:

• If you're tired, start devoting some time to relaxing. Everyone needs down time. If your schedule doesn't allow for it, you may have to make some sacrifices. But your output will be all the more better for it.
• If you're overwhelmed, take a step back. How can you simplify what's on your plate? Can you parse it into sections and make it smaller? Can you make a list of priorities and tackle them one at a time?
• If you're afraid, what are you afraid of? Obviously this is something you wish you were doing. Are you afraid of reaching your potential? Of finally hitting your goals and being unhappy? How can you see that your fear is irrational? 
• If you're hurting, maybe the only answer is time. Grief, sadness, all those negative emotions won't go away at will. Our wounds need time to heal. Putting less pressure on yourself to stop hurting may be the catalyst for change you seek.  
• If you're uninspired, what can you change about your routine? Can you put yourself in a different environment or is a mental demon you have to conquer? How can you vamp up everyday life? Think in terms of your senses. Music, food, sights, sounds, etc.

3. Get organized. Having clutter around us -- even when it's just visual -- can be a huge downer to our motivational skills. Whatever it is that could do for some organization, organize it. Whether it's your desk, your car, your whole house, or your routine, clean 'er up.

• There's a lot that's going on in our subconscious that we don't account for. Whether it's an unpleasant color palette or an inadequate amount of light or a lack of balance in some way, shape, or form, somewhere we know about it. Get rid of that tiny-but-powerful deterrent by getting organized.

4. Monitor that self-talk. Sometimes behaviors cause thoughts and sometimes thoughts cause behavior. Cover your bases and get rid of the negative inner dialogue. Thinking, "God, I'm so lazy. Ugh. Worthless," isn't going to get you anywhere. So stop it. Only you have control of that ticker tape going on behind your eyes.

• Every time you find yourself not performing up to par, twist it around to the positive. "It was a slow morning, but now it's time to fuel up. Now that it's afternoon, I'm buckling down!" You'll be surprised that the surge in mental positivity could actually change your outlook.

5. Practice mindfulness. So many of us don't take time to stop and smell the roses. We scarf down a great meal just to get to dessert, just to get to the wine, just to get to bed with an overly full stomach. We're always thinking about the next great thing instead of living in this wonderful moment that is right now. When we start living in the moment, we want to take advantage of it.

• Next time you find yourself thinking about the past or the future, draw yourself back into the present. Whether it's the scene around you, the food on your fork, or the music in your ears, let it show you how cool it is to be walking Earth and living. Sometimes stopping and slowing down can give us the energy to take advantage of what we have at our disposal.

6. Think of the benefits. Alright, so we got you focused on the present. Now let's focus on a better present. What would happen if you took advantage of right now? What would happen if instead of wasting away the morning in bed you got up and did yoga, finished your work, or cooked a great breakfast? What would happen if you did that practically every day for the next six months?

• It'd be wonderful, that's what. Let these positive ideas take over your train of thought. And be sure to realize that once you get going and develop the habit, everything will come that much easier.

 

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How to Catch a Snake

Have you ever wondered how the professionals on TV catch snakes so easily? Do you want to get one out of your garden without hurting it? Or do you just think it would be cool to catch and get a close look at such a fascinating creature? Snakes are indeed fascinating, and although they can be dangerous, can be handled with care using basic items you can find around the house or garden.

Steps

1. Be sure the snake isn't venomous. You don't want your first attempt at snake catching to end in a disaster! Observe the snake--its length, its colors, and other distinguishing features. Identify the species by using a search engine (e.g. +snake+red+yellow+"North Carolina"). If you are at all uncertain of what kind of snake it is, and are worried it might be venomous, call the local animal shelter as soon as possible and let them know before anyone gets hurt.  

2. Get a stick or other long slender object, or whatever you have at hand.

3. Distract the snake with the stick. Firmly grasp its tail and lift the snake upwards, leaving the front part of its body on the ground, but keeping your legs and own body as far away as possible.  

4. Place the end of the stick under the front half of the snake. Lift the front half of the body off the ground. This will keep the snake calmer than if you grabbed its head, and will also let you control the snake's position easily.  

5. Release the snake into a new area with plenty of places to hide such as a stone wall or some bushes. 'Aim' the snakes head toward the hiding places, and release the tail. The snake will immediately seek shelter to escape the 'predator' that picked it up. 

6. Wash your hands well--snakes and other reptiles sometimes carry bacteria. While usually a minor concern, there have been examples of serious illness and even death in humans who have handled reptiles that carry the bacteria.  

7. Notice that younger snakes bite more frequently when they are startled or scared. 

 

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How to Accept Your Baby's Gender

If, for whatever reason, you're disappointed at getting one gender over another, it can cast a shadow over your future interaction with your baby. The simple fact is that whatever your baby's gender, he or she is a precious human being born of love and care. While you may feel initial disappointment, it is important to overcome a wish for a different gender, because it can end up hindering your devotion to the child and may also impact your child's outlook on life if you continue raising the issue later in the child's life. Gender disappointment is a real issue but not one that should hold back your love for your child; seek to overcome it through love and support.

Part 1 of 4: Considering what drives your desire

1.Understand what may be behind your desire to have a different gender. This can vary considerably depending on the experiences you've had, your cultural background and your inner beliefs. Some of the reasons behind why people sometimes want one gender over another include:

• In your culture, one gender is valued more than another or one gender has a harder time in life than another.
• You already have three children of that gender––now here's yet another of the same gender!
• The child is the same gender as you. You had an awful life to this point, now you're filled with fear that the child will experience the same hardships as you, all because of its gender.
• This gender will prove more financially costly than the other gender; this might be due to schooling, activities, weddings, etc.
• The other gender would have carried on your name, your business, your passions, etc. whereas you don't think this gender will or can.
• You bought everything in "that" color and now it turns out you need the "other" color... This usually relates to setting up a fantasy in your mind about raising a child of a certain gender. All of your hopes, dreams and wants get bundled up in this child being of a certain gender, only to get dashed when it turns out to be the opposite.
• This gender has greater risk of inheriting a disease or condition than the other gender.
• Family expectations of a particular gender weigh on you.
• Other reasons. There are many other reasons personal to each person who holds such feelings.

Consider writing out your reasons to find what is really behind your wish for a different gender.

Part 2 of 4: Coping with your gender disappointment

1. Realize that you are not alone but that the topic is generally taboo. Many people experience gender disappointment for one reason or another. What matters at this point is acknowledging your disappointment so that you can begin to let go of it. If you don't find a healthy way to reconcile with your disappointment, it can continue to fester as the child grows and become an issue for the child.

• Allow for a short period of grieving for your dream or preference. However, try not to wallow in this; instead, seek to let go and return to the present as quickly as possible. Remind yourself that it is preferable to live in the moment, not in a hope or a dream.
• Consider discussing your disappointment with your partner. He or she may be able to help you work through the reasons for your disappointment and allay your fears that this baby isn't going to find life easy or that you won't be able to cope with the baby.
• Don't be afraid to show your disappointment if the first time you find out the baby's gender is at birth. Midwives, doctors and nurses are used to seeing all sorts of responses, and disappointment is one of the emotions post-birth brings. They understand and can be supportive; they recognize too that you'll likely get over the initial disappointment after spending time with your new baby.
• If you find that your disappointment is dragging on, it is important to seek help. Talk to your doctor or seek counseling; there may be an underlying issue such as maternal depression or an inability to assert yourself in the face of family expectations, etc.

2. Spend time with your new baby. Allow the baby to win you over. A good remedy for disappointment is to get on with things, to keep active and to throw yourself into the care tasks ahead of you. The baby needs you and your love for the baby will grow as the two of you spend time together. See the complete trust in and love for you reflected in your baby's eyes and smiles. 

3. Accept that this is your baby, whatever its gender. Your baby is the result of your struggles, your love and your hopes. Whatever the gender of your baby, this person still comes from your blood. This little being needs you, your love and your acceptance.

4. Consider raising your child in a way that helps him or her to overcome cultural prejudices related to gender. If your reason for not wanting a certain gender is sourced in cultural or social expectations, help your child be part of future change in overcoming prejudices by educating the child and allowing him or her to think critically about the world and his or her place in it.

Part 3 of 4: Avoiding the pitfalls of gender disappointment

1. Think hard about the consequences before making it clear to a child that you wished he or she had been of the other gender. Growing up with a parent claiming that he or she wanted you to be a different gender can lead to the child feeling unloved, unwanted and "not normal". It can also cause the child to try and do things that are considered to more culturally aligned with the other gender, just to prove a point, rather than this really being what the child wanted to do. Undoing this sort of thinking can take a long time to overcome as it is a big burden to place on a child. Moreover, any parent tempted to raise a child with this openly acknowledged is behaving in a very limiting and rather selfish way.

• Place yourself in the shoes of someone who knows that they weren't much loved or wanted because they weren't either a boy or a girl. It hurts, right? Any suggestion that a child is unwanted cuts deep and scars for life.

2. Avoid thinking that you will fail to connect with the child because of its gender. Be wary of making simplistic assumptions that one gender gets along with mom or dad more easily than another. Such assumptions are often tied up in cultural or social conditioning. A child will get along with parents who put in the effort to connect with the child, to spend time together, to talk to each other, to learn from each other. It may be tempting or overwhelmingly expected that you'll connect more with one gender than the other but a parent has a role that transcends this sort of compartmentalization; it will be what you make of it, as you are the child's chief guide in the early years.

• Challenge yourself and your expectations. Why not do those things you dreamed of doing with the child had he or she being the opposite gender? You may be beautifully surprised when you push the boundaries of self-imposed expectations.

4. Get medical help if you are concerned about the child's gender increasing the risk of inheriting a disease. This sort of reality is a call to action, not a reason to give up. If you manage the situation from the day the child is born, you can seek early intervention and help your child rather than sit around in despair.

Part 4 of 4: The beauty of either gender

1. If you are trying to reach acceptance of having a baby girl, consider the following:

• The world needs more girls.
• Daughters love their parents with all their hearts when they're loved by their parents.
• Girls can do anything their parents support them to do.
• Baby girls make great sisters.
• Daughters can care for their aging parents just as well as sons.

2. If you are trying to reach acceptance of having a baby boy, consider the following:

• The world needs more boys.
• Sons love their parents with all their hearts when they're loved by their parents.
• Boys can do anything their parents support them to do.
• Baby boys make great brothers.
• Sons can care for their aging parents just as well as daughters.

Tips

• Love your child as you love other members of your family.
• Your children are not objects; they are not "matching sets" or "pairs" or anything else. They are human beings, living, breathing and thinking all on their own.

Warnings

• Family expectations can be burdensome. Remember that this is your child, not the child of your parents, your aunts and uncles, your grandparents or anyone else in your family. They have their own reasons; you have a responsibility of love and care directly to this child which trumps any of their reasons.
• Raising a child in a culture of shame is one of the most limiting and undignified things you can ever do to another human being. Do not overstep the mark by imposing your sense of shame onto an innocent child.

Sources and Citations

• http://pickthegenderofyourbaby.com/am-i-having-a-baby-boy-or-girl.html – research source

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to Profit From Global Warming

Dire predictions of rising temperatures and melting ice packs, with the ensuing arguments over if and when, may leave you feeling panicked over the future. How can anyone plan for the future when scientists worldwide sound alarmed over what kind of future we might endure (wilder weather patterns, more crop-devouring pests, higher threats of pandemic diseases)? Take lessons from bear market strategists to not only survive but also thrive under worst-case scenarios. Look over some of the bigger outcomes predicted by the science community and ask “what if” to find the best ways to profit from global warming.

STEPS

1. Bet on the future of global warming itself.

• Contact an investment firm or broker to get in on the “weather futures” action. UBS has developed a Global Warming index to track temperature variations in 15 cities across the US. Agriculture companies have exploited this index to hedge against inclement weather.
• Use exchange-traded commodities to bet on “cap and trade” prices. Legislation in major U.S. and European countries to develop a carbon “cap and trade” system will give rise to carbon credit trading firms that handle the buy and sell process.

2. Invest in life sciences. If you are comfortable with the general give-and-take of stock trades, but find futures trading a bit too heady, settle into safer investments in the life sciences, particularly pharmaceuticals and biotech companies.

• Global temperature increases stretching toward the poles allow insects a wider habitat range and longer reproductive season. These insects cause direct damage to crops and forests, and indirectly spread disease. Invest in pharmaceutical companies trying to stay ahead of the advance of disease and biotech firms developing pesticides and hardier crop strains to ward off the pest invasion.

3. Develop a diversified energy portfolio. No matter what the climate, people need energy to function. It’s merely a matter of betting on the smartest sources. Hedge your bet by diversifying a portfolio to include several energy sources.

• While you’re checking out biotech companies, look into firms that focus on developing biofuels such as ethanol from waste parts of plants, grasses or even algae, rather than from foodstuffs such as sugar, corn or wheat.
• Incorporate nature’s purest energy forms into your energy portfolio with solar firms. Solar encompasses photovoltaic, thermal, and wind power, so investigate companies from all 3 areas, as well as water energy such as wave or tidal energy.
• Nuclear energy may prove to be the safest short- to mid-term bet. Even staunch environmentalists acknowledge that technology has advanced to the point where uranium can be handled and disposed of relatively safely, even recycled for re-energizing fuel rods in higher-efficiency reactors. Furthermore, more plants are in the planning and construction stages worldwide, increasing the demand for uranium over the next decade.

4. Grow or build your own green business.

• Not only will agriculture and forestry likely receive exemptions form any cap and trade legislation, they stand to reap billions over the next few decades by using their land to help absorb greenhouse gas emissions, even sell the carbon offsets under that cap and trade system.
• If you don’t want to go into new building construction, you can always specialize in retrofitting current buildings to become greener or more energy efficient, or LEEDS certification consultancy.

SOURCES AND CITATIONS

• http://money.cnn.com/2007/03/29/news/economy/global_warming/index.htm
• http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/money/investment/article1844448.ece
• http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/072309/nat_468159495.shtml
• http://www.hgtvpro.com/hpro/nws_ind_nws_trends/article/0,,HPRO_26519_4274670,00.html

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How to Increase Your Lung Capacity

Many sports in today's action-packed world require you to use a vast amount of air in order to be successful. While there are ways to increase the size of your lungs, there are also many ways to increase the amount of air taken in by your lungs, and the efficiency with which they captureoxygen. Practice these exercises daily, and you are bound to see an increase in your lung capacity.
Method 1 of 3: Increasing Lung Capacity Quickly

1. Breathe deeply. You can increase the amount of air your lungs can absorb in a short amount of time, without a long-term investment in exercise or training equipment. The trick is breathing steadily and deeply.

• Exhale completely and slowly. Practice it a few times before you start. Don't let any air linger in your lungs. This allows you to inhale more air on the next breath.
• Allow your diaphragm to descend by keeping your abdominal muscles relaxed. Your abdomen will expand as your diaphragm descends, making more room around your lungs, and allowing them to fill with air.
• Widen your arms, holding them farther away from your body, to help open up your chest.

2. Inhale a deep breath. You probably want to fill your lungs to about 80%-85% capacity, to give your body room to relax. You do not want to fill your lungs to full capacity if it means that your muscles tighten up and you're uncomfortable.

• Have a friend with you, monitoring your breathing, if possible. You could pass out, in which case you'd want your friend to respond appropriately.
• You don't need to puff your cheeks out. You want the muscles in your face to be loose and relaxed. The muscles in your stomach and diaphragm are going to be the ones working.

3. Splash water on your face. Do this while you're holding your breath. Scientists have figured out that splashing water on your face accelerates bradycardia, or the slowing of the heart rate, or the first phase of the mammalian diving reflex.

• Your body is preparing to dive underwater, where it will need to regulate its heart beat effectively and pass oxygen throughout the blood in order to keep you alive.
• Try to keep the water cold, but not icy. Icy water will trigger another reflex in your body that causes you to hyperventilate, or try to breathe quickly. Hyperventilation will hurt your ability to hold your breath for a long time.

4. Relax your muscles and hold your breath. Try meditating, or closing your eyes. The less energy your expend, the longer your body will be able to hold its breath.

• Count to 100 in your head. Only focus on the number you are reciting mentally, and on your goal of reaching 100.
• Keep a note of which number you get to until you can't hold your breath any longer. That number will be the benchmark for your next attempt.

5. Exhale slowly, and repeat 3-4 times. Don't let your air out too quickly. Exhale as slowly as possible, in a steady stream. Once you've practiced one repetition, do the whole exercise over starting from the beginning.

• After 3-4 times, your lungs will be able to hold much more air than they could just twenty minutes beforehand.
• Practicing this exercise regularly will also help train your lungs in the long term.

6. Try simple breathing exercises. You can do these exercises around the house, at your office, hanging out while watching TV, the list goes on.

• Blowing balloons is a good method for increasing lung capacity. While you're walking, at home doing chores, or have a spare second, practice blowing up a balloon and letting it deflate. Do this over and over again; you should notice your lungs' ability to pump more air, stronger and longer.
• Another method is to tape a long, light slip of paper (or a tissue) to the tip of your nose and try to keep it in the air by blowing it as long as possible. Time yourself and if you practice this, exercise regularly, you will be able to keep your slip of paper in the air much longer thus, increasing lung capacity.
• Breathing exercises during everyday activities can be helpful. Breathe in for 2-20 seconds, breathe out for 10-20 seconds, and slowly increase the rate. Soon you will find yourself breathing out 45 seconds-2 minutes if you practice enough! You can easily do it while driving, sitting in the office, watching television, playing video games, doing paperwork, at the desk at school, or when you are simply bored!
• Try hyperventilating before holding your breath. Hyperventilating simply means breathing in and out very quickly. Note: hyperventilating before diving can be dangerous because the urge to breathe can be delayed beyond the point where you pass out!

Method 2 of 3: Increasing Lung Capacity with Physical Exercises

1. Exercise in water. Exercising in water will add an element of resistance training to your regimen. Your body will have to work overtime to supply enough oxygen into your blood, making for a good lung workout.

• Develop a normal stretching and weight lifting routine out of the water. Make sure that you compensate for the fact that weights will feel lighter when you have the water around you. Practice this routine for a few days until you are comfortable with everything.
• Take it to the water. Submerge yourself up to your neck, and do the exercises while in the water. This may not seem like it is doing anything to help you at all, but don't worry. Due to the blood shifting into your chest cavity and the compression on your body, you will have to take shorter, quicker breaths when exercising in the water. Research shows that your air capacity will be cut by up to 75% during this time, and your body will try to compensate for that. If your exercise in the water lasts long enough, and you do it regularly, your respiratory system will become more efficient, increasing your lung capacity.

2. Participate in rigorous cardiovascular activities. Exercising is a great way to increase lung capacity. For at least 30 minutes, push your body to exhaustion so that your lungs are working hard. This hard work will pay off in better lung capacity.

• Try aerobics. It can surprising how much lung capacity you can develop doing short bursts of intense training.
• Do cycling. Pepper your route with elevated climbs. Going up hills means your body needs to pump more blood to your legs; your lungs supply the oxygen to the blood.
• Go running. Run on a padded track or treadmill to be kind to your knees and joints. Mix in sprints to make sure your lungs are working extra hard.
• Swimming - The best sport to improve on your cardiovascular fitness. At their peak, swimmers' lungs will use oxygen three times more efficiently than an average person.

3. Work out at high-elevation. Working out at higher elevations is a surefire way to boost your lung strength. Higher elevation air contains less oxygen, making the workout tougher, but ultimately more rewarding, on your lungs.

• If you're serious about increasing your lung capacity, live in high altitude for the duration of your training. At 8,000 ft (2,500 m) above sea level, the oxygen content in the air is only 74% of what it is at sea level. This means your lungs have to work harder to get as much oxygen out into your blood.
• When you travel back down to lower-elevation, your body still has increased levels of red blood cells and hemoglobin — for up to two weeks — which means that your overall lung capacity is increased.
• Be careful not to train too hard at high elevation, as you could develop altitude sickness.

Method 3 of 3: Increasing Lung Capacity with Long-Term Exercises

1. Create resistance. Your lungs will respond to training, so get some resistance training in your routine and watch your lung capacity increase.

• Breathe in normally through your nose. Take deep breaths. Breathe out through your mouth with your lips still close together. Open them just slightly so a little bit of air can get out, and with resistance. Try and do this as often as possible. It makes the sacs in your lungs more used to having to hold air longer, stretching them out.

2. Breathe in more than your brain thinks you can. Your brain, of course, looks out for the safety of your body, and is averse to stretching the body's limits. But the body can do amazing things when the brain is persuaded that everything is okay. Make sure you try this.

• For eight counts, breathe until your lungs are totally full. After each count you should be able to breathe in more.
• For the next eight to sixteen counts, take small sips of air. Feel your belly expanding. You shouldn't feel your shoulders moving.
• Hold your breath for a few seconds and release forcefully.
• After you feel "empty," make a "tssssss" sound for as long as possible. (This is called tizzling, and it mimics the resistance of playing a wind instrument.)
• Practice this periodically. When you train your brain to stretch the body's limits, your breathing intake will spike.

3. Play a wind instrument. Playing a wind instrument is a great way to give your lungs a regular workout and have fun making music in the balance.

• Learn how to play a woodwind or brass instrument such as a tuba, trumpet, trombone, oboe, clarinet, saxophone, or flute. This activity will help you control breathing and expand your lung capacity to utilize all the alveoli.
• Play in a marching band or a Drum and Bugle Corps. This activity requires more and more lung capacity utilization for your movement and playing and is quite healthy.
• You can also learn how to sing. Singing really works the diaphragm, and can aid in continuous breathing exercises. Singers, of course, need to have really strong lungs.

TIPS

• You probably already know to stay away from any kind of smoking, but you should also stay away from smoke-filled environments, where you're exposed to second-hand smoke, because ETS is still a form of inhaling smoke and can decrease you lung capacity
• In a pool, position your chest as far underwater as possible and breathe through a tube. The further under water you are, the more pressure is applied to your chest, making it hard to breathe. Make sure you can keep the tube above water or you will end up with lungs full of water. Note that at even a couple of feet down it may be impossible to inhale. Don't come up with lungs full of air - exhale before you return to the surface or you risk a lung barotrauma (this can occur at 2-3 meters or more).

WARNING

• When breathing under water (for example, when SCUBA diving), stabilize your depth and never hold your breath or inhale deeply while ascending. Air expands when ascending and your lungs can rupture if you are holding your breath.
• Always swim with a buddy or in a public area when you are performing breathing exercises.
• Whenever you become lightheaded, breathe normally.

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How to Surf the Web at Night (Teens or Kids)

If you've always wanted to surf the internet at night feeling as though you need more freedom, here is your chance with these handy tips and tricks!

Steps

1. Stay in your room and make no noise (mute the sound or use headphones). It is fine if you use a tablet, laptop or even an iPhone just as long as it's portable and can be hidden or turned off quickly.

2. Make sure that if you have to use WiFi your bedroom is in close proximity of the signal origin. You should have at least 2 or 3 bars for a decent speed signal.  

3. Use a proxy to hide your IP and possibly some other traces if you worry excessively. 

4. Now surf the web as freely as you like! 

5. If the electronic you are using needs to be charged, find a suitable time to charge it, and take it off the charger as soon as you go to sleep. 

6. If you need to, hide the electronic in your room or in your bed beforehand. 

Tips

• Make sure everyone else in your house is asleep.
• Don't stay up all night when using the internet, make sure you at least get some decent sleep. You don't want your parents asking, "Where did those dark circles under you eyes come from?"

Warnings

• Make sure you can put the electronic back in the exact spot it was before you went to bed (or put it under your bed or something).
• Try not to get caught if your parents give you a bedtime.
• Brothers and sisters might tell on you if they catch you.

 

 

 

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How to Flirt

Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to get to know people you might be interested in dating. It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirting and put yourself out there, but fear not—it's normal to be nervous around someone you really like, and there are ways to seem confident and pull off a successful flirtation. Here are some pointers for flirting with someone over text, as well as in-person.

Method 1 of 2: Flirting via Text or Chat

1. Keep your approach casual. Don't let yourself get so nervous that you forget basic conversational skills. Instead, try to stay calm and open the conversation with a low-pressure way. Here are some possible openers:

• "Hey, how's it going?"
• "Did you see/hear [insert event you both know about here]?"

2. Don't talk about yourself too much. Here's a fundamental tenet of talking to people you can keep in mind: The majority of people are most comfortable talking about themselves because it's a topic they know well. Instead of taking the easy way out and discussing you endlessly, encourage the other person to talk about themselves. However, you can and should occasionally throw some personal facts in the person's direction to help them to in turn ask questions about you. The key is to leave it up to them to pursue an interest in things relevant to yourself.

• This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not only does it keep the conversation going, but it allows you to find out more about your crush.
• You don't have to possess prior information about the other person to do this step. If you don't know him or her very well yet, you can ask:
  • "How'd your day go?"
  • "So, what do you do with your free time?"
• If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby or interest you're already aware of. For instance, maybe he's really into basketball, or you know she loves to read. "Did you see the game last night?" or "Have you read any good books lately?" would be great starts.
• Know when to press for more information. You can keep the discussion lively and interesting without probing too deeply on personal topics. For instance, asking your crush what exactly he or she likes about running cross-country would be a great idea; asking him or her for more details on family relationships or close friendships would be too much, too soon.

3. Compliment your crush early in the conversation. Don't chicken out and skip this step — it might seem difficult, but it's incredibly important. A compliment communicates that you're potentially interested in dating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-zone. If you skip paying your crush a compliment and simply keep the conversation on a friendly level, it might be too late next time. Here are some basic compliments you could use:

• If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you're working on it, use a compliment oriented in this direction. Something like:
  • "You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you."
  • "I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know someone as gorgeous and interesting as you."
• Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.
  • Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows how lucky he/she is to be dating you."
  • Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you could jokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of [name], he/she has something I REALLY want ;)". If your crush presses and asks what it is, play coy and say something like, "I can't tell you, but it's about someone beautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."
• Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do to help?"
• Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical features:
  • Eyes
  • Smile
  • Lips
  • Hair
  • Hands
• Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you, go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush best or substituting your own:
  • "I hope you know you're gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk to/etc."
  • "Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."
• Avoid loading compliments with feelings too early. Leaving a person slightly uncertain of the extent of your feelings for them can increase your attractiveness, giving you a bit of a mysterious edge. The point is not to make the person question whether you like them at all, but to make them wonder how much you like them. This will encourage them to interact with you more in order to find out, in essence, making them pursue you rather than the other way around. This is similar to the practice of "negging" in that the goal is too convince the other person to pursue you instead of the opposite way around, however this method does not revolve around negatively manipulating the target's self-esteem, and as such is much more ethical. To achieve this, try phrasing compliments objectively rather than subjectively. Here are examples of objective vs subjective compliments:
  • "I really like your eyes, they're so pretty.". On the surface this compliment may seem fine, and it probably would be appreciated. However a common flaw in phrasing a romantic compliment is to constantly use the words "I like/love *insert trait here*". They tell the person that they've succeeded in winning your heart. This is great if you've already built up a solid relationship, but early on it can make you seem "too easy".
  • "You have great eyes, they're very pretty". Although technically both sentences are you conveying that you like the person's eyes, this one makes it more of an observation than a personal opinion. It implies that you find the person attractive but does not confirm it outright. As such, the receiver will feel both flattered and drawn to figure out how much attractive you find them.

4. Tease gently. Because you can't use body language to communicate over text or chat, you'll have to rely on your words to keep the mood light and fun. Rely on inside jokes (based on events you were both present for), sarcasm ("Yeah, I'm SURE you look like an ogre in the morning ;)"), and exaggeration ("You're probably a million times better at this than I am") in the beginning.

• Make it clear that you're kidding. The drawback of using text to communicate is that you can't always read the emotion behind the words. If you're going to flirt with someone by teasing them, make extra sure that you're implying it's a joke. You can use winking smiley faces, all caps, or exclamation points to communicate this.
  • If you've already sent something that could be interpreted the wrong way, make your meaning crystal clear. Say something like "(joke)" or "jk" to make a quick save.

5. Always leave them wanting more. As much as you might want to text this person forever, it's best to bow out before the conversation goes stale (as all conversations are bound to do at some point). The best way to avoid an awkward pause is to leave before one happens.

• Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out something like "Hey, so I'll see you around tomorrow?" or "Text me again sometime."
• Note that you enjoyed the conversation just before you leave. It doesn't have to be complicated — a simple "This was awesome" or "I had a good time talking to you" is enough.
• Be careful not to over-compliment them. Your compliments will have a lot less meaning if you bestow them for every single positive trait the person has. Instead reserve them for meaningful things that are important to the person, such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.

Method 2 of 2: Flirting In-Person

1. Make eye contact. Eye contact is the best and easiest thing you can do to start flirting. Consider using it in these ways:

• Get caught looking. Don't stare, but do throw small glances at someone. Keep doing it until he or she catches you. Hold the gaze for a second, smile, and look away.
• Look into his or her eyes when you talk, particularly at meaningful points in the conversation (for example, while you're paying a compliment).
• Wink. It's cheesy, but it works if used sparingly. Do it when you're looking at someone from across a room, or if you're talking in a group and say something really meant for him or her.

2. Smile. You'll probably smile automatically if you're talking to someone you like, but you can use your pearly whites to your advantage before the conversation even starts. Try these variations:

• Smile slowly. If you're looking at someone but not talking to them, try letting a slow smile spread over your face instead of breaking into an insta-grin. It's hard to say why, but slow, languid smiles are generally considered sexy.
• Smile when you make eye contact. If you're suddenly looking into someone's eyes, toss in a smile for extra appeal. (If it's a genuine smile, the other person will see it without even looking at your mouth — it will crinkle your eyes, and is known as a Duchenne smile.)

3. Start talking. Take the next opportunity to casually say hello next time you see this person. You don't have to commit to a full conversation — acknowledging him or her in passing as you walk by can be sufficient for a first contact.

• Make a habit of verbally acknowledging your crush. This can lead to conversation later.

4. Introduce yourself — or maintain the mystery (optional). If you don't already know the person you're flirting with, an introduction (or lack of one) can be a great thing to build flirting around.

• If your crush doesn't know your name and you're a naturally gregarious person, try introducing yourself at some point. It can be as simple as, "Hi, I'm [name]. And you are...?" Make sure you get the other person's name. To help yourself remember it, try repeating it after he or she says it to you. (Such as "Lily. I love that name.")
• Or, if you want to make yourself seem like a bit of a challenge, work to keep your identity a mystery for a little while. If the other person really wants to know, he or she will ask around or keep pursuing you.

5. Initiate a conversation. Whether you already know the other person or not, a conversation is the best way to move the flirtation forward. Here are a few guidelines:

• Talk to someone you don't already know. Perhaps the best way to strike up a conversation is to start with an observation which ends with a question: "Nice day, isn't it?" or "This place sure is packed, eh?" What you say isn't important — you are simply inviting the person to talk with you.
• Find common ground with someone you do know. If you've already met the other person, strike up a conversation based on a shared experience or interest. For instance, you might talk about a class you're taking together, or the train you both take to work. Again, the topic itself doesn't matter — what matters is that you're inviting him or her to interact with you.
• Gauge the response. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the conversation. If the person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied or disinterested, he or she probably isn't interested in flirting with you.
• Keep it light. Don't bring up anything too personal when you're talking. Talk about the environment around you, the show you just saw, etc. Keep personal information (such as religion, money, relationships, education, and so on) out of it, unless the person enjoys intellectual debates without becoming over-emotional. Generally, it's best to avoid debating topics personally relevant to either of you (such as either yours or their religion), and to rather discuss topics you both don't have a personal stake in.

6. Use body language to communicate your intentions. Non-verbal cues can say a lot more about how you feel than what's actually coming out of your mouth, so make sure you're communicating how you feel. Try the following:

• Keep your stance "open." Don't cross your arms or legs, as these are generally signs that you wish to isolate yourself from the other person.
• Turn your body toward the other person. Stand or sit so that you're facing the person you're flirting up. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in that direction.
• Break the "touch barrier". Casually initiate physical contact by touching him or her on the forearm as you talk, or by "accidentally" walking too close and brushing up against the other person.
  • The first few times you touch your crush, be careful not to "trap" them. Depending on the area the contact should be long enough to be more than accidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand or arm, and instead try gestures such as brushing an imaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or "accidentally" touching feet or knees without pulling away. All of these touches can be rejected without humiliation or offense, so if your crush is not ready for that kind of contact, you will not be forcing them to reject you entirely.
• Play with your hair (girls). Playing with your hair is usually a sign of nervousness, which is a good thing if you like the other person — you almost want him or her to know you're nervous, because it means you're interested. To consciously communicate this, slowly twirl a strand of hair around your finger as you talk.

7. Compliment the other person early in the conversation. It might seem too forward, but letting him or her know you're interested in dating before a solid friendship begins is the easiest way to detour around the friend-zone. Get confident, anddon't let the opportunity slip by — you never know when you'll get another one. Here are some techniques to try:

• Maintain eye contact while you're complimenting. Looking away might accidentally make you seem insincere.
• Lower the tone and volume of your voice slightly. Paying a compliment in a slightly lower register than your usual speaking voice makes it seem intimate and sexy. Plus, it might also coax the other person to come closer to hear you.
• If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you're working on it, use a compliment oriented in this direction. Something like:
  • "You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you."
  • "I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know someone as gorgeous and interesting as you."
• Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.
  • Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows how lucky he/she is to be dating you."
  • Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you could jokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of [name], he/she has something I REALLY want." If your crush presses and asks what it is, play coy and say something like, "I can't tell you, but it's about someone beautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."
• Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do to help?"
• Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical features:
  • Eyes
  • Smile
  • Lips
  • Hair
  • Hands
• Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you, go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush best or substituting your own:
  • "I hope you know you're gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk to/etc."
  • "Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."

8. Keep your interactions short and sweet. Remember that the key to creating demand is making supply scarce, so try to limit your interactions with the object of your flirtations. Consider these limits:

• Don't talk to him or her every single day. Make it a special event and save it for a few times a week.
• Don't let conversations drag on for more than 5 or 10 minutes. The longer they go on, the higher your odds of running into an awkward silence.
• Let the other person come to you. After you've put in the work of starting up the interaction and sparking an interest, pull back a bit and see if he or she seeks youout for an interaction. This can be a good way to gauge interest, as well as build tension.

9. Close the deal. If your flirting has been successful so far, and you want to get to know the other person better, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date. Here are a few approaches:

• Ask if the other person has plans at a later date. For instance, you might say, "So, what are you up to on Saturday night?" Try to keep this an open question, instead of one that requires a yes or no answer — you'll get more information that way.
  • Don't ask someone what he or she is doing tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a few days out so that you don't come off as overly desperate.
• Suggest a specific event, and ask if he or she would like to come along. This is the best approach if you're trying to arrange a group date. You could say something like, "So a bunch of us were going to see a movie on Friday, and I'd really like it if you came with us."
• Be straightforward. If you're feeling extra confident, go in for the kill without any pretense. For instance, you could say something like, "I'd really love to take you on a date. When are you free?"

10. Don't take it too seriously. Keep in mind that flirting is supposed to be fun, and try not to be crushed if your efforts aren't successful — not every interaction will be a perfect 10. Stay positive, and try again with someone else. As with anything else, flirting improves with practice.

http://www.wikihow.com/Quiz/Flirt

TIPS

• Don't complain when flirting. Remember, the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will find you depressing and avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble — it's another form of self-absorption.
• Don't use your phone (that means no texting) while you are flirting with someone. This shows that you are more interested in talking to somebody else who isn't there or that you are already involved in a relationship.
• If you're flirting with a girl and thinking about breaking the touch barrier, test the waters with impeccable manners. For example, offer your hand when she might need to keep her balance, such as when she's getting into or out of a car, or when she's stepping over a puddle or any other uneven surface. How does she respond when you offer your hand? Does she seem receptive? Or does she hurry to let go?
• Use flirting that is appropriate for the setting. Meeting at a library or loud dance hall, for example, might not be conducive to talking too much. In this case, smile, act interested, and wait for a spontaneous opportunity to meet at the punch bowl or in the lobby. Do not however, follow them around for a while because you're too nervous to approach the person; this will make you seem creepy. Talk to them the first chance you get.
• Don't flirt with someone you're not romantically interested in, unless you are 100% sure that they are not romantically interested in you. Otherwise, you risk accidentally leading them on, which can lead to an embarrassing moment and uncomfortable interactions afterward.
• Let go of any neediness you might have. Neediness is a precursor to obsessiveness, and obsessiveness is creepy. Needy people are imbalanced and unstable people, because their happiness hinges too greatly on someone else, rather than a stable sense of self worth. If you're projecting a vibe that you'll be devastated if a person doesn't want to be your friend or romantic partner, the lightheartedness that makes flirting fun will be extinguished.
• Flirting is not appropriate everywhere. Funerals, for example, are generally not good places to flirt. Flirting in the workplace is also generally a no-no. If you happen to flirt atwork, be on your best behavior, and don't press the issue if the other person isn't interested.
• If you don't feel comfortable asking for their number, try giving them your number. If they are truly interested in you they will give you a call. You could also pass them your email address.

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